What's Mine Is Yours, To Leave Or Take
by karevsprincess
Summary: Five different paths for Alex and Jo, five lives they could live – all hinging on the answer to one very important question. Yes or no? Alex/Jo, one-shot.


**A/N** : Well, writing this one-shot was not an easy feat. It took probably about two or three months to finish - most of it came to me easily, but I could not for the life of me get the ending just right. Hopefully, it turned out okay. Hope you all enjoy. Basically, this is different ways Alex and Jo's lives could turn out depending on how Jo answers Alex's marriage proposal.

The title and lyrics comes from "Look After You" by The Fray because it came up on my iPod when I was writing and as you may or may not know, I try to always name my one-shots after songs.

 **Disclaimer** : Do not own _Grey's Anatomy_ , do not own this song.

* * *

 _If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take  
Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait  
My heart has started to separate_

 _There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

* * *

 _one._

She doesn't say no, exactly. But she doesn't say yes either.

She needs time. She knows Alex loves her – she loves him too. But words can only mean so much if there are no actions to back them up. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," She tells him the night of his proposal, shutting the lid of the tiny velvet box that contains the ring – but not forever, only temporarily. "But I can't do it right now. Things need to change first. I need you to prove that I'm still a priority. I can't start a life with someone who can't follow through with his word."

He looks down at the box in his hand, his lips pursed in thought, and then without a word places it back in his pocket. "I'll do whatever it takes, Jo." Alex says, his voice low. "I love you. And I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you." She smiles and touches his face, looking into his eyes. She leans in – almost as if for a kiss – but ducks her head, burying it into the side of his neck. They stand in silence for a long moment, and she can feel his pulse thumping steadily against her cheek.

Slowly but surely, they mend. Jo can tell that Alex is really making an effort. He still spends time with Meredith, and she never expected him to stop – but they're getting back to that place where they used to be. She never wanted him to have to cut his friends out of his life – she'd never wanted to make him choose, been willing to walk away from him if that was the only way they could both possibly someday be happy. But there is enough space for both of them in his life. No one has to lose.

A couple months down the line she walks down the wings of Grey Sloan on her coffee break and spots her boyfriend down the hallway, engaged in a conversation with Meredith Grey. She braces herself as she approaches, because she's still a bit wary around Meredith even with Alex back on her side these days. She stops a few feet behind them and clears her throat, trying to subtly make her presence known.

Meredith looks over her shoulder and gives her a half-smile, hoisting her clipboard up to her chest. "Hey, Wilson." She says. No yelling, no screaming, no dirty look – just a simple, "hey, Wilson". Like it's no big deal. She turns back to Alex. "Talk to you later?" He nods and the attending turns on her heel, shooting Jo one more feeble smile as she walks past. It's evident she's trying.

Jo is still staring after her retreating form as Alex closes the gap between them. "How's your day?" He asks, toying with a strand of hair which has fallen out of her ponytail.

Jo turns back to face him, not answering his question as the metaphorical gears in her brain turn. Somehow, without warning, her life has become perfectly…ordinary. She has a boyfriend who loves her, friends who care about her. And maybe she's not exactly best friends with Meredith Grey – but that's alright. They've finally gotten to a point where they can coexist peacefully, respect each other even – and really, that's all she's ever wanted. And it's all thanks to Alex.

An idea dawns on her and she grabs him by the collar of his lab coat, a mischievous smile toying on her lips. "Come with me," She says, and she drags him behind her towards their destination before he can object.

She shoves Alex in first, following close behind and shutting the door firmly after her. "What are we doing in here?"

Jo smiles and takes his hand, leading him towards the window. "This is where you told me you loved me for the first time," She says, and a wistful smile appears on his face.

"Yeah," He says, remembering. "And it was pouring rain, and a tree had just crashed into my living room, and you said you were scared you'd mess it all up." He pauses, frowning. "But you didn't mess it up. I…"

She grabs him by the chin, forcing him to look at her. "Don't you dare say that you messed us up, Alex Karev. Because you didn't. You were just trying to be a good friend – and yes I was mad, and scared, but you didn't mess us up Alex. I know you never stopped caring about me. And I never stopped caring about you either." His smile reappears. "I think this is where I realized I loved you too. I was just too scared to say it. I know that with my past I get scared a lot. And I can't promise I won't get scared again in the future – but I know that you love me, and I know that I love you too. Just like I did that very first night."

Alex chuckles. "Okay, are we done being mushy now?"

"Will you shut up? I'm _serious_." She insists and his mouth closes, sensing she means business. She takes a deep breath and spews the words out quickly: "Marry me."

His eyes widen as he takes her words in, in shock. "Jo…" He says, shaking his head at her.

She looks at him, waiting for a response. "Well? Will you?" She asks with a teasing smirk.

A wicked smile crosses his face and he grabs her by the small of her back, pulling her towards him. Their lips meet in a passionate kiss, and she wraps her arms around his neck and he physically lifts her a good inch off the ground, just like they'd done the first time they ever kissed.

She takes that as a 'yes'.

* * *

 _two._

Jo takes her head in her hands with a long sigh as she sits at the bar at Joe's after a seemingly never ending shift. Steph left for the bathroom a few moments ago and she's still waiting on her drink and her head is pounding, because this is the first time she's stopped moving in eight hours. The life of a resident is grueling and difficult, even more so when she has no one to go home to.

Through her migraine, she hears the bar stool next to her screech. "Can I get a beer, please?" A familiar voice inquires.

Jo looks up without thinking because she knows that voice. He turns his head when he feels her staring and when their eyes lock she sees his expression falter. "Alex," She breathes, shocked to see him standing in front of her. "Hi." She takes him in, wondering to herself if the bags under his eyes were always the big, or if he always had that much scruff on his chin, or if those frown lines always lingered around his forehead.

He clenches his jaw. "Jo…hey." Believe it or not, it's the most he's said to her in weeks.

Since he'd asked her to marry him.

Since she'd told him no.

"You look…good." She says, and Alex outright laughs. Even when he laughs his frown remains in place, not even the ghost of a smile on his tired countenance.

"Yeah, uh-huh." He says sarcastically. "You too." The bartender returns with both their beers and while Jo mutters thanks, Alex immediately pops the cap off the bottle and takes a long swig.

"So…how are you holding up?" She asks, awkwardly trying to keep their conversation going. She's missed talking to him, she realizes. Awkward small chat in a bar has to be better than not speaking at all, right? She just needs to know if he's doing okay.

"You mean since you turned down my marriage proposal?" He asks bluntly. "Oh you know, hanging in there. Accepting the fact that I'm a complete and total screw up."

"Alex…"

"Don't 'Alex' me," He cuts her off, his rising temper evident. "You know it's true, Jo. You said that I wasn't there for you anymore, that the only person you have is yourself. And I asked you to spend the rest of your life with me, and you looked me dead in the eye and told me no. How else am I supposed to take it?"

She feels hot, angry tears brim her eyes and she swallows, holding them back. "I wanted you to fight for me," She manages to spit back. "I didn't want you to give up. To throw yourself a goddamn pity party."

"Why should I bother, huh?" He asks, his voice low and husky like it gets before he cries. "Every other time I fought for a girl it didn't make one damn bit of a difference, Jo. Maybe I'm just done trying."

 _Maybe because you deserve better than this,_ She wants to say. _Maybe we both do. I didn't like the person you'd become but you're even worse now!_ Instead she stares at him, unable to speak because she knows if she says anything to him the first tear will spill over. Instead she watches him slap down a few dollars for his drink and walk out with finishing it.

Jo take a big gulp of her beer and then presses her pointer fingers to her temples, exhaling through her nose. This isn't what she wanted for him. She'd thought that by ending things she'd save him a whole lot of effort – she wouldn't be the girl who made him chose between her and his friend. She'd thought it would be better for him this way, if she just ripped off the Band-Aid. It didn't matter that a part of her still loved him – both of them deserved better than a relationship that had, lately, been half-assed. It didn't matter how much it hurt her to break up with him if it would help them in the long run.

Never had she wanted to cause him more pain.

But that was exactly what she did.

* * *

 _three._

He'd promised that everything would be different once they were married. And the things he'd said to her had been enough to convince her, had been enough to get her to accept his marriage proposal. She'd really thought he'd meant them.

She should've pushed harder. She shouldn't have given in so easily. She should've really made sure he changed.

"But you said you were going to be here," Jo bemoans, hating the way her voice sounds in that moment – pleading, hurt, broken. It's a tone that's become all too familiar on her in the past few months of her marriage.

"I'm sorry," Alex says from the other end of the line. "But Mer really needs me tonight. I don't want to leave her alone."

"Why can't she talk to Maggie?" Jo laments. "Or Callie? Or Amelia?"

"Maggie and Callie are both on call, and she can't talk to Amelia. They had another fight and she needs to vent about it."

She sighs audibly. There's always some reason why he has to bail on their plans in favor of Meredith Grey – she's fighting with Amelia, _again_. Riggs flirted with her, _again_. She wants to talk about Owen, _again_. Blake is getting on her nerves, _again_. She just needs him, _again_ , and no one else can fill his place, oh Jo you know how it is don't you?

"When are you going to be home?"

"Ummm…" Alex mumbles, grappling for an answer, and she knows that's not a good sign. "I don't know, babe. It was really bad this time. And she's missing Derek a lot tonight." That's what he says every time – that this is the worst night Meredith has had in a long time, that she needs Derek or Cristina and he has to try and fill the void. Alex has a big heart – it's one of the thing she loves about him.

But she can't help but feel like there's no room in that big heart for her anymore.

"I love you," She says forlornly, and there's a long pause on Alex's end and a faraway voice that sounds like Meredith's.

"Sorry," Alex says. "I really gotta go. I'll see you later." And he hangs up without saying 'I love you' back.

Jo slams her phone down on the table, so hard it rattles the silverware. Rising from her seat she blows out the candles and grabs the plates she's set, dumping her best attempt at a romantic dinner down the garbage disposal. It seems she will be spending yet another night alone, watching bad late night television by herself in her marriage bed in a cold apartment while she waits for her husband to finally grace her with his presence.

After throwing out the food she runs a bath, stripping off her clothes in front of the mirror instead of in front of her husband. She climbs into the tub, discarding her wedding and engagement rings on the rim of the sink before she does so. She fully submerges herself and holds her breath, opening her eyes underwater.

They'd only been married for six months – they should've still been in the honeymoon stage. But it was only a few weeks after their wedding that the newlywed bliss had begun to fade. Dinner dates turned into half-hearted phone conversations where he fed her excuse after excuse. Movie nights at the loft became her sitting on the couch, finishing an entire four pack of beer by herself and passing out in a drunken stupor. They went from making love all night to her waiting up for him until the early hours of the morning, watching the shadows dance across the ceiling and wondering if maybe they'd have a quick screwing when he finally returned that would make her feel more like a one-night-stand than his wife.

She only pulls her head up when her chest starts to burn, her lungs aching desperately for air. Jo gasps, gulps, for a moment unable to breathe. She squeezes the water out of her hair and grabs a razor for her legs, which have gone unshaven for the past several days. She's not paying attention however and the blade glides clumsily across her skin, ripping open a section of flesh and making it bleed bright red. She curses to herself, and in her haste to grab a washcloth from its perch on the sink faucet her elbow knocks her rings.

The two little gold bands go flying off the edge and she scrambles to her feet, dripping tiny droplets of water and blood across the tile, but she's too late. She hovers over the sink just as she watches her rings – those Alex had given her along with a promise of forever – fall down the open drain.

She runs a hand down her face and glances up, catching her reflection in the mirror. Her hair hangs limp around her face. Her eyes are bright with unshed tears. The temperature of the bath has drained all color from her lips. And in that moment as she looks at her visage – which appears simultaneously much more aged, yet also like that of a terrified child – she doesn't even recognize herself. Who is this person? Because it can't be her.

The tears start pouring out before she can stop them and Jo's shoulders heave forward as she sobs. She hasn't felt this lost since she was a little kid – a weak, scared, lonely little kid. And here she is twenty plus years later and all those adjectives still describe her now. Alex had promised her that he'd always have her back, that he'd always love her, that he'd always be there for her when she needed him. But now she sinks to the floor, completely naked, her knees to her chest, crying uncontrollably. All she knows is that her marriage is as down the drain as her rings. No promise. No future. No sign of recovery.

When did they stop being something worth fighting for? When did they give up?

* * *

 _four._

God, does he _ever_ shut up?

Jo runs her fingers through her hair out of exasperation as Cross continues to rant glibly about this, that and the other thing. Before she'd thought he was simply excited, overly enthusiastic maybe. But now - as he drones on and on and on and _on_ \- she knows without a doubt this is his weak attempt at flirting. _Alex was right,_ She thinks and then, horrified, she shoos the thought away from her mind.

"Are you having fun?" Cross asks, not taking the hint as Jo shrugs off her lab coat, indicating she's ready to go back to Steph's for the night. "I'm having fun. I could just talk to you forever I think. Do you want to...do you want to go to the bar? I'll buy you a drink and we could...we could talk some more…"

"Cross, I…" She trails off mid-refusal, because she realizes she can't say 'I have a boyfriend'. Not anymore, not when everyone at the hospital knows she's single. Someone had figured out she was staying with Stephanie and from there the news of her break-up had spread through the hospital like wildfire. Gossip is the favorite pass time at Grey Sloan Memorial, especially among residents.

"She has plans," The voice of her savior interjects. "With me." Cross turns around and she can see the look of horror spread across his expression as he comes face to face with Alex Karev.

"Oh," Cross stammers, at a loss for words for the first time in thirty minutes. "So...sorry, Dr. Karev. I...I had no idea. I thought...I thought the two of you were over."

"We are," Jo says, just at the same time as Alex replies: "We're not." She shoots Alex a look but he only smirks at her in response, while a humiliated Isaac Cross darts off to the intern locker room. Alex watches him go, clearly proud of yourself.

"What the Hell?" Jo says. "I didn't need you to do that! I was handling it myself."

Alex rolls his eyes. "Yeah, cause you totally looked like someone who had that situation under control."

Jo scowls at him, but she can only manage to do it half-seriously. "And why did you tell him we were still a couple? Alex, we're…" She swallows, hating to say the words just as much the second time. "Alex, we're over."

Alex steps closer, leaning up against the nurses' station next to her. She looks for a quick getaway but he's standing in the way to the residents' locker room. "I'm not gonna give up on us, Jo." He says. He tries to look into her eyes but she can't meet his expression. "I messed up, I know that. But I will do whatever I have to to prove that I'm the right guy for you. You asked me to step up and I will. I don't care if it takes days or weeks or months or Hell, even years. Someday, that ring will be on your finger. And I won't give up until it is - because you're the only girl for me. I'll wait forever if I have to." He smiles and steps back. "I'll see you soon then."

She can't help it - she laughs. "Yeah, okay." Alex smirks before turning on his heel and walking away, clearly proud of himself. Jo looks down, taking a moment to process what has just happened. _I will do whatever I have to to prove that I'm the right guy for you._

She would be lying if she said she wasn't excited to see him try.

* * *

 _five._

"I don't know if I can do this."

Stephanie looks up from the copy of _Vogue_ she's been flipping through absentmindedly, a slightly annoyed look on her face. "Stop saying that." She scolds lightly. "You can do this. You're ready. Plus everything's already been paid for."

Jo examines herself critically in the mirror. Her tea length dress is freshly laundered and unadulterated white, while her hair is flowing in loose curls and accentuated by a simple pearl headband. Her features are touched up by minimal amounts of makeup, just some lip gloss, mascara and a little blush to add color to her cheeks. On the outside she looks as perfect and put together as a china doll - you know, minus the fake hair and pantaloons. But inside her stomach is in knots, her heart feels like it has jumped up into her throat, and her palms are clammy.

She stands up a little straighter and looks her reflection dead in the eye. She's ready. She knows she is. The past year...God, the past year has been the best year of her life. For the first time in a long time there is no reason for her to have fears or reservations. She is with a man who loves and respects her - he has proven that over and over for the past year. She takes a deep breath and then smiles.

She's ready to go get married.

A few moments later she is waiting on the other side of the double doors, the last in the procession. Meredith's kids walk in first – ring bearer Bailey practically runs to the end of the aisle, while flower girl Zola takes her job very seriously as she helps toddler Ellis sprinkle petals. The adults all laugh at their adorableness and the children huddle around the legs of their mother, best man (best woman, technically) Meredith. Her maid of honor Stephanie shoots her one last look of encouragement before it is her turn, followed closely by the other member of her bridal party – she'd asked Callie as well, because the two of them had gotten very close working together in ortho, and the other woman had been more than happy to oblige.

Finally, it is her turn. Jo takes one last deep breath and closes her eyes, before taking her first step. She opens her eyes and pauses, looking over the little outdoor venue. There are few guests in attendance, but that's okay because everyone who matters to her is there, all of her colleagues having shown up in support. Kepner and Arizona are already crying. Webber brought new wife Catherine, while she's pretty sure Owen and Amelia are there as each other's date. Jackson is Alex's other groomsman, and Dr. Bailey sits up front with a look of pride at how much her most troublesome intern has grown up. Finally, her eyes land on Alex. Standing up front in his handsome suit, he smirks at her as their eyes meet. Just that one look at him washes away any fear or hesitation she has and she walks the rest of the way with her eyes trained on him. She looks at no one else, as if the two of them are the only two people in the world.

Steph takes her bouquet and she immediately threads her fingers through Alex's, taking his awaiting hands. "…Hi," She says, because it's the only thing she can manage to say.

He smiles at her. "Hi,"

The justice of the peace begins his spiel, but the happy couple never look away from each other's eyes. Alex mouths to her that she looks hot, and Jo laughs quietly. Their attention is only diverted when they are asked to read their vows.

"Jo," Alex begins. "There was a time when I never thought I would have a day like today. I didn't think that I deserved love, that I was worthy of it. I'd had too many bad experiences in my life that I thought I was just better off going it alone. But then, you came into my life – and somewhere along the lines, I fell completely in love with you. I have never met another person who understands me like you do, or who encourages me like you do. You make me want to be the best version of myself. I promise to never take you for granted, and to spend the rest of my life being the best man I can be, for you. I love you, don't ever forget that." He slides the ring onto her finger, and she feels like she might cry.

Now, it is her turn. "Alex," She says. "When I first met you, I hated you." Everyone chuckles, some of them nodding in agreement because they'd felt the same at first. "But as I grew closer to you, I began to see the person who you truly were underneath. Gradually our friendship turned to love – and I was terrified. I was worried that I would end up being hurt or abandoned, but I know now that my fears were completely unwarranted. We are not perfect Alex, but we both see each other for who we really are, accept each other's flaws, and can forgive each other for the mistakes that we have made in the past. I know we will continue to make mistakes in the future, but we will give each other the strength to do the right thing and to be the people we always wanted to be. With you by my side, I am no longer afraid to give and receive love. And that, is what I love most about us." With a smile, she slides his ring onto his finger.

"Well," The justice of the peace says, even he beaming by this point. "By the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Alex grins. "Finally," He says, before pulling her closer to him, and Jo kisses him just as everyone begins to applaud.

After they kiss they do not move for a long moment, their noses pressed together, their wide grins unfaltering, their eyes searching the other's. He touches the back of her neck and mumbles an 'I love you' against her lips. She kisses him again. This man is her husband. He is the one who will father her children. He is the one she will grow old with. He is the one who will be by her side, till death do they part. He is the one who has loved her always, and loves her still.

She knows that now without a single doubt. He is her forever, just like she is his.

* * *

 _Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
I'll look after you  
Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh, oh  
Be my baby  
Oh, oh, oh_

 _It's always have and never hold  
You've begun to feel like home  
What's mine is yours to leave or take  
What's mine is yours to make your own_


End file.
